I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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