So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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