Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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