I just made out with a guy for $7.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Someone signed my nipple.
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