So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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