i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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