just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize