I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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