I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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