It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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