While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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