Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize