Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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