I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize