I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize