Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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