I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize