I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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