i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize