It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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