I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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