My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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