I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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