I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize