So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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