wanna go halves on a baby?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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