the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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