i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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