the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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