You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize