How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize