I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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