Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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