Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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