I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize