hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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