That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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