hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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