I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize