so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize