she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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