I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize