Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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