I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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