My hand turned me down
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize