"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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