What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize