we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize