weddingsv make me drug and hornr
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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