am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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